Reflections

It seems everyone makes new years resolutions. Most only last a few months at best and then we find ourselves back to the same old routines and behaviors. I don't make formal lists but every year I think of a few things I would like to change. most revolve around being healthy. This year I have a new resolve that had been God inspired. He has made me see how much I hold myself back and prevent myself from making true and lasting changes. Usually I think "it would be nice to x" but never make plans to achieve that goal or have internal positive voices telling me I can and will do something. Instead I often say I can't or maybe or something else half hearted. Last year was a hard year. We had one of our biggest blessing with the birth of Evie but overall the year presented many challenges we struggled to handle. One of those years that you are glad are over and know you have come through better equipped to handle future struggles. 

Most of these reflections came like a lightening bolt. God made it very clear to me how wishy washy I can be in my statements, thoughts and actions. As I was filling out an application for a different position with the hospital one of the questions asked what my goals are. There are different certification tests offered through the American Nurse Credentialing Center that any nurse can take. I currently have on in medical surgical nursing. There is one offered in almost every discipline and so I have toyed with the idea of taking the neurological one. I first thought about taking it two years ago but life happened and I put it off and this last year I was not going to study for a test while raising a newborn. Looking back another reason I put it off was I wasn't convinced I could pass it. I heard it was much harder than the medical surgical test and in my mind there was a strong chance I could't pass it. So when asked what my professional goals were this test again came to mind. I started off writing that I was considering taking the test then caught and corrected myself, I will take the test this year. I realized I was just holding myself back and that I am completely capable of something if I put my mind to it.

So now I have more than resolutions, I have a new resolve. When a workout gets tough I tell myself I can do this, even if I need to take a short breather, I will finish. I notice I even walk with more confidence now that I am not mentally holding myself back. What an amazing difference small words like can, will, and do make. I know this will be a good year and regardless of if I get a new job I will excel in what I am already doing as well as forge ahead and push myself. By the end of the year I will look back and see how far I have come and thank God for the revelations he imparted to me.

Trees In Sprout

Parenting has a way of throwing you into things you never thought you would deal with. While I knew there would be temper tantrums, though I didn't expect them quite so soon, I didn't expect to tell my child not to bang her head on the floor on purpose. Evie has taken to showing her displeasure in extreme ways. If she doesn't like that we told her no or moved her away from something she hits her head on the floor (or coffee table), and of course cries because it hurts, or she hits herself in the side of the head. Tonight she was mad she was falling asleep in the car so to keep herself away she hit her self several times in the head. She is such a strong willed and tenacious little girl. I love that this allows her to push herself, like learning to roll over from back to tummy in an hour, but sometimes I get caught off guard by the ways she expresses herself. 

I love the sweet side she has too. She loves to give kisses and I enjoy that she loves to give them to me more anyone else. She has also learned to snuggle. She snuggles us, mostly her daddy, and even snuggles her baby dolls. Her smile makes my heart happy and everyday I am thankful I get to be her mother. I look forward to the adventure of raising her and pray God will continue to give me everything I need to do so.